


It's Not Research

by arrafrost



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-03
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-12-16 18:22:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/865151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arrafrost/pseuds/arrafrost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sheriff has some interesting questions for Stiles. Sterek but focus on implied Peter Hale/Sheriff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not Research

"So… who tops?"

Stiles nearly chokes to death right there and then on his donut and he turns, terrified and disturbed, to his father. Who looks entirely innocent and casual and like he asked Stiles if he thought it was going to rain and yes dad, yes it is going to rain giant balls of can we  _not?_

"Can we not what?"

He inhales deeply after he manages to dislodge the chunk of pastry from his esophagus - that he was surprised he could talk around - and slams his head back into the headrest of his seat. “Can we not talk about my sex life? In a cop car. When you’re technically on patrol. Because it’s weird dad. Incredibly weird. Weirder than Jackson turning into a giant lizard. Weirder than that time Peter made a pass at you!"

"Weirder than the time I reciprocated the pass Peter made at me?"

Stiles’ eye twitched, “I had repressed that for a reason, thanks."

The silence is tense in the car, at least for Stiles, as he resumes munching on the donut while scrutinizing his father out of the corner of his eye. 

The strange thing is, the sheriff doesn’t keep talking. He doesn’t ask Stiles anything, doesn’t allude to why he asked, nothing. Complete silence as he stares out the window.

Stiles groans inwardly, " _Why_ do you want to know Dad?"

He shrugs, “Curious."

"Don’t say for research for you and Peter, don’t say for research for you and Peter, don’t say-"

"I’m not having sex with Peter Hale." The sheriff rolls his eyes and Stiles’ audible sigh of relief fills the car, “Yet." 

Stiles' entire body tenses as he turns on his father with the most horrified expression.

The sheriff doesn’t manage to hold a straight face for long, not with Stiles’ eyes practically bulging out of their sockets, “I’m kidding Stiles."

"You better be!" Stiles shouts louder than he meant to, making his father wince from the sharpness of his voice. Stiles backs up, settling back in his seat with an almost apologetic look through his sheer anger. He adds with a sullen voice, “He was dead you know."

"I know."

"Kidnapped me and tried to bit me."

"Noted."

"Almost killed Lydia, light of my life."

"Thought that was Derek’s role."

"He’s more like that night light that always flickers in the dark and sometimes you have to give it a good smack for it to work."

"Like a smack on the ass?"

“ _AND we’re back in 'not talking about this land'._ Population: the Stilinski family."

More silence, except the sheriff is laughing quietly to himself while Stiles grinds his teeth together. “Also, he called me annoying."

"That’s surprising. I better call him right now and tell him never to point out the obvious ever again."

Stiles’ face goes blank, doesn’t even care about the joke his father made at his expense. “You have his number?"

It’s the sheriff’s turn to be shocked for once during this conversation, “What?"

"You. Have. Peter Hale’s. Number?"

His eyes shift awkwardly and Stiles can read the guilt a mile away, “No."

"You’re lying! You’re asking for research reasons and you’re totally gonna do it with Derek’s uncle! That’s gross Dad! Like phenomenally. Why would you do this to me? Your only son! Why put those images in my head?"

"Sorry," his dad says sheepishly but doesn’t deny the accusations Stiles has made. 

"I dislike you on a very big scale right now. You’re rating somewhere around a Jackson. That’s how much I dislike you."

His father laughs softly, shaking his head before returning to gaze out the window, taking a sip of his coffee as he does.

Stiles forces himself not to picture things because he’s a very visual person and those are not things he needs in his mind, ever. At all. And he makes it better by stealing the donut his father had thought Stiles wouldn’t notice he purchased and hid at the bottom of his bag. The sheriff doesn’t even protest against the theft.

Several minutes pass. Stiles thinks they’re going to give up soon. There hasn’t been any activity worth noting and he turns to ask his father if they should head back home for the night. That’s when the sheriff speaks up again.

"So you’re not going to tell me who tops?"

Stiles’ sanity snaps like a dry and brittle twig, “I AM NOT TELLING YOU THAT! THIS IS CATALOGED IN THINGS WE DON’T SPEAK OF EVER!"

"So… Derek bottoms?"

"ON A LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BRING UP THIS AND SEX WITH PETER ARE THE MAIN TWO! AND HOW WOULD DEREK’S POSITION EVEN BE RELEVANT I MEAN COME ON!"

The sheriff pats Stiles on his shoulder, ignoring how wild and upset his son looks, “I’m proud of you son. Derek’s a lucky man."

"I AM WALKING HOME!"

Stiles actually gets out of the car, practically tripping over himself to escape. He doesn’t get to the exit of the parking lot before the sheriff drives his car up behind him, driving as close to his son as possible without hitting him. Eventually Stiles gives in and gets into the car, curling up into a ball of disgruntlement as his dad tries his best to muffle his laughter at succeeding to make his son incredibly uncomfortable.

**Author's Note:**

> I have [tumblr](http://arrafrost.tumblr.com) and don't bite as much as Derek likes to bite Stiles


End file.
